I think life’s experiences are best felt and remembered when they are unshackled by the usual laws of society. Raw and unabashed conversations, usually happening under influence, are hilarious and honest. When cockiness peppers all the other good qualities of a man, his attractiveness shoots up. Mainly because he has nothing to hide, even those things that should stay hidden.
You’ll find me drooling when a man says ‘ask me anything’ whenever I’m curious enough to probe deeply and unapologetically about his entire existence ranging from the most logic to the most absurd. And when it’s coupled with an immediate detailed response to my question. The effect is one huge ASMR aka ‘head orgasm’ which leads me to want the actual orgasm from said man.
Anywho, I love the beauty of rawness in life and this seems to have seeped into other matters as well, sex!
I probably will get looks for this, but hear me out.
You know that scene when you’re on the couch, Netflixing. Man child is flicking your nipple playfully, it’s turning you on so you don’t stop him but still, sex is far from your mind.
But then you decide to say fuck it to the movie and get on top of him to you know…tease him a bit.
And since you’re in a dress with no undies and he somehow manages to get his shorts down without too much drama, you end up feeling the tip of his penis on your clit and you think…just a little dip wont hurt.
So you dip…and you dip…and dip…and dip, till you can’t dip no more?
No?
That doesn’t happen to y’all?
Just me?
Really?
Well, damn, ok.
Now the topic of contraceptives is quite interesting to me and after seeing the experiences of different women using different methods on @thevibratinglawyer IG stories. I’m thinking, damn! The options are many but the side effects, albeit relative from person to person, are crazy!
There’s endless nausea
Bleeding for weeks
Cramps from hell
Weight gain
Low libido
Risk of having an IUD pulled out whilst in finger action
Of course, among the many methods, there’s the famous pull-out, abstinence, and the most common, condoms.
Truth time..I’ll start. Condoms are fucking annoying. There’s nothing sexy about that rubber and it’s always usually at the wrong place when the fun starts. Additionally, it doesn’t make sense to have it on when innocently making out since making out is not necessarily a precursor to full-on sex. So unless I plan on littering the whole house with condoms, under pillows, under couches, in the pantry, this rubber will be missing in action. A lot.
I am also aware that the above Netflix and chill scene may just be a ‘me’ problem. So I apologise to those living a clean life. However, to those reading this and nodding, thank you for making me feel not alone.
Point is, the location of this rubber is elusive when I need it. Especially when going to fetch as the good girl I think I am, kills the momentum, no?
There’s also the fact that raw sex…slaps differently, so…you know…
And at the time required to use some common sense, my mind is flooded with reasons why this is ok. I’m not with anyone else, he’s also not with someone else from what he tells me and I choose to believe despite the fact that we are not tied to the hip, but at those moments, it would be rude to require proof of facts, so I tell myself.
The consequences, however, are dramatic.
Once every now and then, I’ll get a pregnancy scare for ages.
The type that takes me back to church
The type that makes me declare never to have sex till I’m into my second year of marriage.
The kind that makes me think twice before taking a Tequila shot because I might kill the baby, but I proceed to down 5 shots, anyway.
The kind that makes me want to hurl insults at man child for not having a sensible mind.
The kind makes me realize I need extra income because, in this economy, diaper costs have shot up and I haven’t seen reusable nappies since I babysat my cousins back in the early 90s.
Jokes aside, pregnancy scares are shitty and I’d rather not have them so I go back to wondering what contraceptive to use.
So during my usual checks, I broached this subject with my OBGYN. I explained my desires – wanting to enjoy sex ( I didn’t mention how). And my worries – forgetting where I hid the rubber and instead opting to have the man child pull out then going through days of the dreaded scare.
(And If I have trouble remembering where the rubber is, I can’t imagine the horror of the daily pill, did I take it? Did I not?)
I also inquired on what he thought about tubal ligation as a method since I don’t have any desires of ever getting onto the baby wagon. But he just stared at me…blankly…for long…till it got awkward and I had to change the subject.
Turns out that no sane doctor will willingly perform that procedure on a healthy, young and childless woman unless there are extenuating circumstances and those circumstances are not for the enjoyment of raw sex.
There’s also that rumour that I might need permission from my father or husband and must be over 35 with at least 2 kids.
Dafuq!!! Now I don’t know if this is true but in this patriarchal world, it sounds like it could be.
He, however, took me through all my options, mentioned all pros and cons. Explaining that side effects are dependent on the composition of one’s hormones so it is impossible to know till I try. But the idea of turning into a fat, always bleeding, forever pained monster with no desire for sex (at that rate, abstinence would be winning) we settled on the rubber. I just have to have so many of them that it’s ridiculous not to use them.
I left his office wondering, though safety is key, why can’t all men, single or married get a vasectomy and spare us the ridiculousness?
No really…why not?
Then have it reversed when they are truly ready for a baby?
Doesn’t that make more sense?
Then all we’d be left to worry about are STIs but that’s a problem for another post.
Samburu Girl 